Make your own free website on Tripod.com

The Pearly Gates

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.
Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an
engineer - you're in the wrong place."  

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level
of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a
pretty popular guy.  

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says
with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's
no telling what this engineer is going to come up with
next."  

God replies "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a
mistake--he should never have gotten down there; send
him up here."  

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the
staff, and I'm keeping him."  

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers "Yeah, right. And just
where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


The Fairy Tale

A man was walking down the road one day when he happened upon a frog.  The frog said "I am an enchanted princess and if you kiss me I will return to my original form."  The man picked the frog up and put it in his pocket.  The frog says "I am an enchanted princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you for a week."  The man takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and puts it back in his pocket.  The frog says "I am an enchanted princess and if you kiss me I will make you happy."  The man takes the frog out of his pocket again, smiles at it, and returns it to his pocket.  The frog says "I am enchanted princess, why won't you kiss me?!"  The man takes the frog out of his pocket and says, "I am an engineer and I don't have time for a girlfriend right now but I think a talking frog is cool."


Thermodynamics in Hell

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had only one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist then they must have some mass.  

If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not be leaving.  As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project  all that all people and souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.  

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's  Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and the volume need to stay constant.  

 #1 So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

#2 Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of  souls in hell then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during my freshman year, and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a sexual relation with her, than #2 cannot be true and hell is exothermic.  

The student got the only A.  

Endothermic - A term used to describe a chemical process in which  heat is absorbed.

Exothermic - A term used to describe a chemical process in which heat is released.


From Steven Wright:


Things To Do To Show Other How Cool You Are:


Return to Home Page

Engineering Humor / Revised June 1998